I feel like I am lifting out of the fog a bit today. Does anyone else ever have those days...weeks...months when you just feel a little off? A little not quite yourself? You look around your home or at your children and realize you just feel a bit disengaged? I think I have been there for a while and didn't even realize I'd been hanging out and getting comfortable in it.
Can anyone else relate? Is it the never-ending demands on the SAHM that can make us feel this way? Is it the "Groundhog Day" type of repetition in the daily routine that makes me more prone to sliding down into the funk? It isn't anything that I would call depression, not even unhappiness, really. It is just a sense of apathy that seeps into my bones and keeps me from enjoying my day, my children, my home, my husband, my LIFE the way that I really want to be.
It seems to effect many aspects of my life. I don't engage in relationships in a way that helps them foster and grow. I find that I am much too content to sit on the couch and watch more sitcom reruns and daytime court TV than is really healthy. I allow housework to build up around me and I find it difficult to work up the motivation to exercise or eat the way I should...which sometimes leads the numbers on the scale to creep in a direction that is really disheartening. I find that I am less spiritually in tune. My Bible may go several days without being cracked open and my prayer time may become all but non-existent. I am not engaging with my children in any meaningful ways, which often leads to THEM watching way more television than is typically advised. When I am not at my best, my family is not at its best.
The hardest part seems to be recognizing when I get to this point. It is difficult to see the pit for what it is when you are down in it. The next most trying task is to begin pulling myself out of it. It usually starts with a decision. A decision to turn off the TV, to pick myself off the couch and begin plugging back in.
We were out of town for the 4th of July weekend, and I have just been getting by since we have come home. Today I looked around and realized I had sunk back into apathy. It was time to pick myself off the couch and make a change. I started with opening up my Bible and doing some extra reading. I don't know why I am always amazed by how re-engaging spiritually has the ability to energize me to take charge in other areas! After breakfast it was time to put my house back in order. No more avoiding. Time to get things done. I don't think my house has been this clean for the past two weeks! Does anyone else find it invigorating when your environment is clean and ordered? I spent my morning cleaning, vacuuming, putting away laundry and it felt great.
I got a start on mowing the lawn, but I got rained out. Oh well, it gave me the opportunity to sit down in front of the computer and write a new blog post:) I get to sit and reflect on what I have accomplished so far today...and not just housework. I got to take the first steps back towards Normal. I am reminded that I need to take a little more time for myself. I need to take more time to enjoy my children. I need to be more intentional about staying connected with my girlfriends. I need to remember to take opportunities to date my husband.
Today is a reset. I think I am going to have my 6-year-old pick out a book and have her read it to me. Tonight I am going to have a Girls Night with some very good friends. But right now, I think I am going to go back outside and mow the lawn. The rain has stopped and the clouds are clearing...and not just in the sky.