How do you explain to a five-year-old that some people are just mean? That they will say things to hurt you, just to make themselves feel better? How do you look into those big, brown eyes that are fighting back the tears and let her know that she is amazing? I knew it was coming, but I hoped it never would.
"Look, Mommy! Ariel gave me a friendship bracelet!"
"Ooo! Pretty! That was nice of her."
"Yeah. She gave it to me so I wouldn't be sad."
"Why were you sad?"
"Because 'Sarah' was saying mean things to me. She said I was just a little girl and that I was the worst kid she had ever seen in the world." Eyes are now downcast and I can see tears sprinkled in her lashes.
Now, I know that this is by far not the cruelest thing that has ever been said by one child to another. This is not going to turn into a huge rant about bullying and the state of our country and children today. I am not going to be calling the bus driver demanding to know the child's parents' phone numbers so I can call them up and chew them out. I was just struck anew this afternoon by how much I love my children and how I wish I could shield them from everything bad in this world...even something as simple as an unkind word.
When we take on the roll of parent, we know that we will eventually have to deal with things like this. Children all say and do things to each other that are hurtful. I am doing my best to teach my girls that they should not treat others unkindly, but I am not naive enough to believe that they will never be the ones dishing it out (I've seen them do it to each other!). All I can do it try and instill in them a sense of empathy, a healthy dose of respect and compassion for others. But knowing this in my head does not dull the ache I feel in my heart as I see my daughter dealing with one of her early encounters with an individual who chooses to pick on her for no apparent reason.
I know I cannot protect her from every verbal assault. I know that it would not be wise to do so even if I could. I will not be around forever. She needs to learn how to deal with people who are unkind, people who want to hurt her so they can inflate their own ego. She needs to know when it's appropriate to deal with it herself and how to do so, and she needs to know when to find an adult who has the authority to make it stop when it crosses the line. I need to let her fight her own battles with poise and dignity. She needs to learn how to maintain her confidence in herself so that cruel insults don't bite so deep. I'm learning that one of the most difficult things I must do as a mother is allow her to find her own way through the minefield. I can offer counsel and guidance, but I cannot walk through it for her.
I can be grateful. Grateful for an older girl sitting on that bus that recognized a little girl who was being picked on and who took it upon herself to cheer her up. A girl with a cheap elastic bracelet bearing the word "courage." I hope my daughters become that girl.
I can be grateful that I began building a foundation of confidence and self-approval months and months ago that I can now call upon when her spirits are down.
"You know that none of the things that 'Sarah' said are true don't you?"
"Yes."
"Because you remember what you are, right? You're a Konen girl! You know what a Konen girl is, right?"
A big beaming smile, "Pretty and smart!"
"That's right!"
"I guess 'Sarah' didn't know I was a Konen girl!"
I suggest all you parents of daughters begin brainwashing them all right now so they answer this question like a parrot, "What is a insert last name girl?" Answer: "Pretty and smart!" Starting this months ago, I had no idea how powerful it would be when her confidence was shaken. Seeing that smile on her face helped heal my heart as much as saying the words healed hers.
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